There's nothing harder than being yourself in this small world of ours.


into your violet eyes


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"Mono" - Courtney Love
"Followed The Waves" - Auf Der Maur
"But Julian I'm a Little Bit Older Than You" - Courtney Love
"Taste You" - Auf Der Maur


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i had an interesting week. i'm still loaded with work from school - im headed there today to work on some assignments. im actually falling behind a little, which sucks.

my typing is more off than usual due to cutting myself with my x-acto knife (one of the big ones used for mounting). which is really surreal, but at the same time very actual because my finger looks horrible. one minute i was cutting a board, the next minute i'm chopping off fingertips. im lucky it was with a sharp blade and it was a clean cut, because the only pain i felt was when the doctor was freezing my hand (which had to be the most horrible feeling ever... all fleshy and pokey) and the final stitch, but that doesnt last very long. the freezing was "patchy" so the point of the 3rd stitch wasnt well frozen. but i survived. big baby.

my copy of sim city 4 arrived today. as well did a book "design issues". i read the prologue and it seemed quite interesting, a collection of design articles from the same magazine column. edited by DK Holland.

right now im listening to "in your eyes" by kylie minogue. good song chap.

i went on a shopping spree on thursday. another $500 down the drain. ah well. enjoy it while you can.

ouch. finger.

i better play some more sim city. then have a shower and go to the school. ya.


well. i went out last night and made a total fool out of myself im sure. drunk at the pizza place after drinking at least 2 snooners (basically a small pitcher of beer) and then after we got out i just puked up the remainders of my pizza (not too much, but gross none the less)

i feel slightly hungover today, but nothing that wont stop me from destroying the universe and recreating it to my fittings. what fun that would be.

i need inspiration. i need openness. i need a god damn rush of thought which just isnt coming at all.

oh, i saw the matrix 3 last night also - good movie. we went to a really late show so i kept fallign asleep, i'll have to see it again to get everything that happened, although it wasnt as meaningful as the first and second, more of a wrap-up really.

well i really dont feel like writing anymore because nothing is coming to my head and i'm slowly being re-drained of all my thought and process.



fuck commitees (i believe in lunatics)

it's about the struggle between individuals with jagged passion in their work and today's faceless corporate commitees, which claim to understand the needs of the mass audience, and are removing the idiosyncrasies, polishing the jags, creating a thought-free, passion-free, cultural mush that will not be hated nor loved by anyone. By now, virtually all media, architecture, product and graphic design have been freed from ideas, indiviual passion, and have been relegated to a role of corporate sevitude, carrying out corporate strategies and increasing stock prices. Creative people are now working for the bottom line.

Magazine editors have lost their editorial independence and work for commitees of publishers (who work for commitees of advertisers). TV scripts are vetted by producers, advertisers, lawyers, research specialists, layers and layers of paid executives who determine whether the scripts are dumb enough to amuse what they call "the lowest common denominator." Film studios put films in front of focus groups to determine whether and ending will please target audiences. All cars look the same. Architectural decisions are made by accountants. Ads are stupid. Theater is dead.

Corporations have become the sole arbiters of cultural ideas and taste in America.

Our culture is corporate culture.
Culture used to be the opposite of commerce, not a fast track to "content"-derived riches. Not so long ago captains of inductry (no angels in the way they acquired wealth) thought that part of their responsibility was to use their millions to support culture. Carnegie built libraries, Rockefeller build art museums, fore created his global foundation. What do we now get from out billionaires? Gates? Or Eisner? Or Redstone? Sales pitches. Junk Mail. Meanwhile, creative people have their work reduced to "content" or "intellectual property." Magazines and films become "delivery systems" for product messages.

But to be fair, the above is only 99 percent true.
I offer a modest solution: find the cracks in the wall. There are very few lunatic entrepreneurs who will understand that culture and design are not about fatter wallets, but about creating a future. They will understand that wealth is a means, not an end. Under other circumstances they may have turned out to be like you, creative lunatics. Believe me, they're there, and when you find them, treat them well and use their money to change the world.

-Tibor Kalman
"Tibor Kalman, Perverse Optimist"

today was interesting. the day atsrted off bad (due to some social anxiety) and then i got right to work and as soon as i did that, all my worries went away.
tomorrow i expect will be the same thing.


hey there - i just watched the two towers for the bizillionth time. i love that movie. my favourite part is where gandalf pulls back his gray cape and shows sarumon that he's really a white wizard. oh gandalf, i love you.

i got a D+ on my advertising assignment. i haven't got a D+ in about a yar, so it was strange. i kind of freaked out. but really, the mark wasnt all my fault, it was a group assignment, and my partner's half sucked. (LIKE TERRIBLY)

things are really starting to heat up at school - so much work and so little time.
it's november 1st. where has the year gone? what do i have to show? a whole bunch. it's been one of my favourite years, ever. i love my life.


after my last post, i wrote an e-mail to David Carson (do a google search for him you dummies), and he replied today. i'm very happy for some reason. possibly because he is among the greats of graphic design.


in graphic design news: my corporate design teacher didn't know who paula scher was. although, i wasn't very current with the works of sual bass, neville brody, tibor kalman. I feel for paula sometimes. she's the only female graphic designer (famous) of our time. ONLY. FEMALE. she deserves some obvious recognition for playing witht he big boys. obviously something is wrong with the design business hierarchy for the top positions to be filled with men. something needs to change. the fight isn't over. men are not better than women at graphic design - bottom line. bottom line.

also, our teachers keep getting sick and i think its becoming a little excessive. i think i have missed 7 or so classes because of absent teachers. i pay for my education - but further more - i want one. to me it's all about absorption. the more i can learn, the better. my god. how am i supposed to learn anything without guidance? discipline? passion?

really - screw the money. give me love. give me passion. give me art and blood and sweat.

for once i realized that by saying "I'm marking the sweat on the page" my corporate design teacher really is something more than a semi-bitter screw the world kind of guy. he's kind of like me. or at least how i want to be. which makes me think that i'm not getting the education i deserve - one a larger scale. i'm thinking different school. but thats what i think. not what i'm going to do. oh my. how complex the mind is.

how simple it's functions and operations, yet what grand things it conjures. an exploration. i shall do the exploration. and it shall be grand and simple. perfect or wrong. perfect or perfect. yes.

last night was a blast. the highlight was not darren, not andy, but mel and erin. oh my the boys were all over them! those teases! it was absolutely hilarious - they would have a circle of men around them the whole night. at one point i reched in to tap one of them on the shoulder, then some guy took my hand and threw it away from them, basically saying "they're mine, get lost". so i reached back in, tapped one of them, then signalled for them to come to me - and of course they did - then i looked at the guy and basically shook my finger at him saying "get the fuck away from my girls ASSHOLE!"

what fun! it was HILARIOUS.

on the darren / andy note: darren didnt show. andy and i exchanged glances (quite a lot lol) but near the end of the night he was dragged off by security. i should have gone and talked to him... damn.


another day, another assignment.... or two.
it's 6:30 in the morning and i think i'm an insomniac. i wake up everyday since the time shift at 5am and i dont know why. i try to go back to sleep but i can't. I start thinking about school. ohh my.

tonight i'm going out with mel and all my friends from school. mel is bringing her friend Darren and her sister - so that is guaranteed fun. plus it's heather's friend Andy's b-day and he'll be 19 and drinking so i shall buy him a drink or two. maybe that will go somewhere - who knows.

i really don't know what to write other than i probably won't write for a long time due to all these projects i have. (i just sent one photoshop assignment to my teacher for approval:
so check that out.

right now i'm listening to Idle Sons song "this evening". they opened for our lady peace in wasaga beach this summer (i had a blast - more memorable than florida was)

ok, i'm out.