There's nothing harder than being yourself in this small world of ours.


im officially obsessed with leyton hewitt.


I just want to wish happy birthday to Matt today. Hope it's a great day for him!


why do i lack so much courage?
why can't i just blurt out what i want to?
why can't i just be who i am? and not who i'm supposed to be?
why can't i be unexpected?
why can't i live the truth instead of a lie?
why can't we be together?
why can't i be free?
why can't you left me have my rights?
why can't i be perfect?
why can't i be honest to myself?
why can't i have an amazing day?
why can't i try my hardest instead of sitting down and wondering what i can achieve in stead of going out and actually achieving it?
may god be my witness that i am weak and have no self control over who i want to be
this hell i'm living in is really heaven in disguise.
am i making myself believe instead of having this great faith in the invisible?
why am i so selfish? is this a beacon of my upcoming culture?
I wonder if we're all like this?
I wonder if "we" will get more than sexual satisfaction?
Do you ever feel like you could just die right where you're standing if you think hard enough about it?
Why do i always forget what other people tell me?
why can't i just be normal?
why can't i walk down the street and jsut be able to tell who you really are?
why can't i sit here and enjoy myself?
why do i connect myself with things that will live longer than i will?
why don't i make something that will live longer than i will?
why don't i try, even at the little things?

these are the questions that i cannot face in this span of 5 minutes.

do i really want to live the rest of my life like this? as a coward?

that is the question i ask myself everyday.


So I'm walking down the street and I see all these people just waiting for the bus. I started wondering - why are they taking the bus and why don't they have cars? Is their car in the shop? Are they environmentalists? Doubtful in an age like today. These people CANT AFFORD cars. It's the most reasonable and obvious answer. Which lead me to think about why some people can and they can't buy cars - what kind of things are happening in their lives that stopped them from buying a car? Because basically, life is just a few fucked up days that change your course forever. Some of these roads are slow and others happen way too quickly. Take death for instance, or birth - the two most life changing experiences anyone will ever have. It's what's in between that shifts and turns us into who we are today and will be tomorrow. Have you ever thought about significant events in your life that have changed you FOREVER? Like HOLY SHIT I'm a totally different person that I was yesterday and now everything will be different from this point on - kind of fucked up-ness. My mind is numb and blank right now from sitting in front of this computer for hours on end so I'm not answering my own survey at the moment.
Have fun thinking of something yourself.

'til my next adventure into the psyche of the world,



this site needs to evolve. im working on it. you might not hear from me for a while...