There's nothing harder than being yourself in this small world of ours.


I'm thinking about renaming the site from pseudo.... to "Calculated Chaos". We'll see.. maybe it's time for a change since im not the person i used to be.


she's not the kind of girl who likes to tell the world about the way she feels about herself
she takes a little time in making up her mind, she doesnt want to fight against the tides
but lately, i'm the only one, i say "never trust anyone".
always the one who has to drag her down
maybe you can but you won't this time around

can't bear to face the truth
so sick you cannot move
and when it hurts he takes it out on you

and lately i'm the only one one, i say "never trust anyone"
always the one who has to drag her down
maybe you can, but you won't this time around
the trick is to keep breathing.

- Garbage "The trick is to keep breathing" fromth eir second album, Version 2.0

I feel like posting mean things but i won't. I'll keep them inside and not talk about them. let's keep the peace.

Howdy folks!
This site is moving like molasses. well i've been busy. don't shoot the messenger. ;)
so whats new? let me see....
I have to restate that this computer is still amazing as ever, i love it. i can actually get work done on it.
First off... I had a week off at the end of February (so my 20th birthday came and passed!) I took a trip to toronto to go to swipe, a design bookstore, and the Design Exchange, both located not too far from our arrival downtown. I bought over $600 in books (15 or so if i recall..) they're all great books. I'm a busy bee, because i left all the work that was assigned to me until after the break... not the best of ideas. So far, the class i'm enjoying most is Typography II, basically because my teacher thinks i'm a type geek and she likes it. i've never really brown nosed before, but it's ok, i don't mind, i suppose most brown nosers don't. Anyway, i pride myself on being and becoming some sort of a graphic design intellectual (hence the books), which seems to be working out fine and dandy. I overheard some second year graphic designs tudents commenting on how they ahven't read a book in ages because they're so busy with the course.... I pray that I can retain some sort of a reading schedule next year.

In other news, I've gotten to know my school friends better, however i feel it maybe have come at a greater cost. i'm not spending nearly as much time with my best friend. We're both extremely busy, but that shouldnt stop me from picking up the phone. sometimes i think i really am an anti-social hermit of some sort. I do like going out... its jsut that i don't like new people.... or people who are older than me. I can blame that on my parents friends i suppose. I need some sort of brain counselling. I have many fears to face and conquer within the next few years that won't be easy. and i'm all too prone to shy away from the resposibility and hazard that i've created for myself. at this point I feel that it's inevitable, I'm going to fail. A smart man once told me that i need to fall and get hurt, because its the only way i'll learn to ever get up. I am forever thankful for his advice, he really did change me, but still i worry that his message will fade in times of distress and i'll keep running until i hit a brick wall, and then i'll just sink down and die. Being me isn't easy. On the outside there isnt much worry... it's down the road that's bothering me. new experiences, new travels, new paths to cross... Instead of crossing those paths now, i'll put them off because in the end, i'm scared to deal with issue that will change me, change my situation. I know it has to change, and it will. but the comfort of my life has come on like a drug and i just can't get enough.