There's nothing harder than being yourself in this small world of ours.


after my last post, i wrote an e-mail to David Carson (do a google search for him you dummies), and he replied today. i'm very happy for some reason. possibly because he is among the greats of graphic design.


in graphic design news: my corporate design teacher didn't know who paula scher was. although, i wasn't very current with the works of sual bass, neville brody, tibor kalman. I feel for paula sometimes. she's the only female graphic designer (famous) of our time. ONLY. FEMALE. she deserves some obvious recognition for playing witht he big boys. obviously something is wrong with the design business hierarchy for the top positions to be filled with men. something needs to change. the fight isn't over. men are not better than women at graphic design - bottom line. bottom line.

also, our teachers keep getting sick and i think its becoming a little excessive. i think i have missed 7 or so classes because of absent teachers. i pay for my education - but further more - i want one. to me it's all about absorption. the more i can learn, the better. my god. how am i supposed to learn anything without guidance? discipline? passion?

really - screw the money. give me love. give me passion. give me art and blood and sweat.

for once i realized that by saying "I'm marking the sweat on the page" my corporate design teacher really is something more than a semi-bitter screw the world kind of guy. he's kind of like me. or at least how i want to be. which makes me think that i'm not getting the education i deserve - one a larger scale. i'm thinking different school. but thats what i think. not what i'm going to do. oh my. how complex the mind is.

how simple it's functions and operations, yet what grand things it conjures. an exploration. i shall do the exploration. and it shall be grand and simple. perfect or wrong. perfect or perfect. yes.

last night was a blast. the highlight was not darren, not andy, but mel and erin. oh my the boys were all over them! those teases! it was absolutely hilarious - they would have a circle of men around them the whole night. at one point i reched in to tap one of them on the shoulder, then some guy took my hand and threw it away from them, basically saying "they're mine, get lost". so i reached back in, tapped one of them, then signalled for them to come to me - and of course they did - then i looked at the guy and basically shook my finger at him saying "get the fuck away from my girls ASSHOLE!"

what fun! it was HILARIOUS.

on the darren / andy note: darren didnt show. andy and i exchanged glances (quite a lot lol) but near the end of the night he was dragged off by security. i should have gone and talked to him... damn.


another day, another assignment.... or two.
it's 6:30 in the morning and i think i'm an insomniac. i wake up everyday since the time shift at 5am and i dont know why. i try to go back to sleep but i can't. I start thinking about school. ohh my.

tonight i'm going out with mel and all my friends from school. mel is bringing her friend Darren and her sister - so that is guaranteed fun. plus it's heather's friend Andy's b-day and he'll be 19 and drinking so i shall buy him a drink or two. maybe that will go somewhere - who knows.

i really don't know what to write other than i probably won't write for a long time due to all these projects i have. (i just sent one photoshop assignment to my teacher for approval:
so check that out.

right now i'm listening to Idle Sons song "this evening". they opened for our lady peace in wasaga beach this summer (i had a blast - more memorable than florida was)

ok, i'm out.


after reading some of my first posts from this blog, i realized that i don't list any links or songs to download anymore. perhaps because nobody reads this now but me. it's more of a diary now isn't it?

well if you are reading this:

download these songs:

"the hunger" by the distillers
"beat your heart out" by the distillers
"your body is a wonderland" by john mayer
"bad reputation" by joan jett
"lucky kid" by sheryl crow

go visit: - mike's site

last night i watched "Hedwig and The Angry Inch" which suprised me by being this great movie. i also watched "i am sam", which conjured up my last post. i should buy the soundtrack because it's just so damn good. mostly beatles stuff, which when covered by more contemporary bands is really touching.

I haven't been posting for a long time because of school - it's terribly busy all the time now. To my suprise, I am keeping up.

I bought a new scanner a few days ago. it's silver and goes quite well with my mac. I still love my mac. it never breaks and i hardly have any problems with it. however, there is very few games, and they are expensive.

My girl courtney love is in trouble again. she's beating up her mother in law with who she always seemed to have a great relationship. she's also lost custody of her child temporarily. i hope she cleans up her act because she really is better than this. that's my only beef with her - is her self destruction. whatever.

so my marks in school have been promising. I can't wait to get back next week (I've just had a week off in which the only things i've done is go to toronto to see heathers sister in a cooking competition - which was rather interesting - and spend a short day with mel (she's the bestest ever, and i love her to death and will never stop loving her because she is always there for me, even when she's not having a great day, i shall call her today) she's also trying to hook me up with her friend, darren, who is a wee hottie. i also went to christy's house and had some fun with everyone. fun fun fun.

lately i've been troubled by the huge barrier i have put up in my life. between my old friends, parents, sister & me. i really am a coward who is scared of change. but we all are. i really have no clue how this is going to work out. i know everything will be fine, but im waiting until i can drop the bomb with the least amount of catastrophe. once again - whatever. it bothers me terribly. lately when i'm alone with one of them i jsut want to blurt it out - but i can't. it's kind of torturous. but i won't become my past. i will not go down that road to pain again. courtney love isn't the only one who's self destructive it seems. my god. sometimes i hate this. it's like a disease right now, and i have to shed it.

on a brighter (perhaps) note i've totally fallen in love with the distillers new album "coral fang" which is simple brilliance and guitars. it's a bit more rocky than kelly osbournes last cd, but not as fun. which is why i still like kelly's better, it's really gay rock.

i need someone.


i love to cry.

tears are passion in matter.